Music moves my soul as I process this period of my life that is in shambles. I am rediscovering my self; purpose and passion combined with the adventure of day to day life. I picked up guitar while in Africa, a desire of mine since I was young. Finally with time and distance from distraction I am in the place to learn and to become introverted; to get to that place of creative flow and to stay there for a while. Taking these moments to go deep into my heart and soul and discovering the truth and lies that have made up who I am. This searching has been part of the cause and distress of feeling like my life is in pieces. But the beauty of taking time to get to know myself has been both healing and invigorating.
My current favorites are a lot of old world meets new world blues, jazz and swing. I think it happens to go with my desire to go "back to the foundation" to simplify and purify myself from so much of the worlds chaos and toxic organizations. I am stepping into a place that is very unknown, stepping out of what has always been fed to me and what has always been"right" and exploring the territory that I stand in. Seeing many new truths as well much deception that has brought fourth serious confusion in my life I am detoxing on many levels.
I had this idea that was extreme but here it is: listening to only instrumental, eating only what is raw and pure and cutting out unhealthy relationships as well as addictions and habits and reading only the pure word of God with out mans ideas, theologies or revelations. I would like to see how my mind would be moved and shaped with out the manipulation of politics, entertainment and personal stress from striving. It would be interesting wouldn't it...but could I actually do it and for how long?
A while back I read two books by C.S. Lewis that have inspired me to view things differently. The first one is called "The Great Divorce" one particular thought that I pulled from that book is, we are all created in the image of God, we are all created with one purpose, to love God and to Love people. The other that I pulled is, How can we judge another persons life by their actions..only God knows the intentions of the heart. All that has made me realize at an entirely new level...God loves all people, there is no people group that is better, no organization that is the best and no way of life that is perfect. The other book is called "The Pilgrims Regress" I am still processing this one, there are so many levels rich in insight. But the most exciting and interesting thing I have taken from this book is the idea that we could be chasing something our entire lives that looks to be what we want but in the end we see that what we really wanted had been with us the entire time. It is amazing the trails of life that we pave in search of what is right and how often in those times we end up back in the same place we started, once again yearning for truth and desiring..well, desire.
"Often times in our pursuit for desire we forget the original desire that we were pursuing." -C.S.Lewis
we are a funny culture totally submersed in individuality, desire and independence, yet we run ourselves in circles to death....
purify us and simplify us Lord, that we would once again see the truth that is only found in You.
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Yes, we must be amazing dwellings for the Lord to want to dwell in us. To discover who we are must take a lifetime, a marriage. I can relate to leaving entertainment, and other cultural and personal "drivers" behind. So many distractions! And yes, the pieces...so many. I think it's in stillness and solitude that they come together. I like a little momentum while I'm being still, learning new things along the way, like floating down a river maybe, and steering now and then with the oars.
ReplyDeleteInstrumental, pure, and other deep languages that don't have to "mean" something for our logical minds to box into compartments. Yes, my living river friend.